sometimes I miss the person I used to be.
the person I was before the bottom dropped out of my world, leaving me broken and with scars that have never fully healed.
I remember the woman very well….
cheerful and always smiling.
laughing came as easy as taking my next breath, and I couldn’t be around people enough; the more the merrier, in fact.
I was the gal who always saw the glass half-full, and when things looked bleak I was the first one to look for the good.
life in general made me happy, and there wasn’t much that could bring me down.
I was carefree and loved everyone; not for a moment threatened by others or their opinions of me.
I was open to change, and looked forward to whatever was ahead.
overall, I was a likable sort of gal, and wanted to be everyone’s friend.
but that was then.
I’m someone else now….
cheerful wouldn’t be a word that I’d use to describe myself now, and the reality of that brings tears to my eyes.
as a matter-of-fact, cheerfulness is now something I have to work at, and to be honest, there are many days when it’s really hard to find.
as for the girl who’s always smiling, let’s just say that I have to work at that, too.
I can honestly say that there’s now a story behind my smile; sometimes the smile comes from deep within, and other times, it’s forced in hopes of hiding what’s really going on inside.
change is hard for me now, and quite frankly, it often scares me half to death.
I look at my kids, and I long to be carefree like them…..
oh how I miss the days of being fun and carefree, not worrying so much about the time or the to-do’s that go on and on;
not worrying so much how I look or how what I say or do will affect (or offend) someone else.
how is wish my days were filled with sweet memories of days gone by, and that the tears wouldn’t come so easily when certain memories flood my mind.
it saddens me to no longer be that girl I used to be.
and I’d give anything to be her once again.